On October 2nd at around 4 o clock in the morning, I got a call from India… the call which I was fearing to get one day over the years … ‘Mom is no more’. I had a birthday wish from her on Sep 30th, had a usual talk in phone on Oct 1st and never even expected that I will hear the most tragic news of my life on October 2nd. We could reach on time and I could perform the last rites to my mom which I was very much worried about being miles and oceans away.
2015 has been very turbulent year for the family, she was in death beds in the beginning of January, recovered very well in Feb, March and she could stay with me in US for three months and spent two months in India before she passed away. Initially she suffered with Arthritis which blocked her movement totally outside and confined to just four walls of the house and later we figured out she has cardiac complications. The main reason for her health deterioration is mainly because of my absence at home for the past 10 years. Being the only son and no brothers and sisters made it even harder for her after the retirement and her constant wish of me returning back to India never happened at all made it even more worse.
I can undoubtedly say I failed miserably in my duties as a son to take care of her. I was just chasing for money, career, education and all materialistic worldly stuff but never gave the happiness by staying with her even during her death bed situation. I promised her that I will return back after my studies, then said will come back after work experience in abroad, then said will get married and spend some time with my wife in abroad, then said will have my son spend some time in abroad and she referred saying ‘Yes, you will definitely come back when I am in coffin’ and that’s what finally happened.
I very well remember that she was crying in 2005 in airport when I first left home for higher studies and 2015 I was crying in the airport that she is no more. After 10 years, I couldn’t still figure out whether it’s a curse or a blessing that I left my home and searched for fortunes in abroad. I know every expat had to deal with this situation with their beloved ones far away and in my case it was even more since I had no siblings at all. Hats off to my dad who dealt these difficult and turbulent times and completely took care of my mom in all aspects. Had it not been his efforts, I couldn’t have managed to study, work and continued my dreams abroad. In all these situations, not even one time, dad expected me or asked me to come to India to support them and he fought the battle on his own.
There is always one mom in life for everybody and one person who always want the best and right thing for her son/daughter and when I realize that person is not anymore with me hits really hard. Elders in older age can be very demanding, dependent on others but the moment you realize they are not with you anymore can be very challenging and depressive to accept it. Whatever little time we could spend with them in spite of our busy schedule in life are the defining moments and memories to look for when they are no more. Thanks to god who gave the last chance for me to spend time her for three months before she passed away.
I take this opportunity to thank all my friends and relatives who were part of my difficult times. Special thanks to my brother in law: Sriram who took all the responsibilities replacing me as a son and made sure I could see mom’s face one last time before we perform the final rites and rituals. She didn’t want to trouble me in any means, she came to US, went back and then left us. Had she passed away in US, I couldn’t have imagined the efforts to bring her back to India. She died in the place where she belonged to and she died on Oct 2nd which happened to be Mahatma Gandhi's birthday and death anniversary of great South Indian leader Kamaraj. She donated her eyes in the eye bank so those people who don’t have the eyes can get a chance to see the world as her last wish. The guilt of not taking care of her will linger in my life forever and I hope time is the best heal to come out of it. Let her soul rest in peace.
The article which I wrote about Mom's love before 9 years... Mom's Love
The article which I wrote about Mom's love before 9 years... Mom's Love
Sathish Kumar S
